The Journey to Finding Your True Self

An important and significant message in the book Ceremony by Leslie Silko is the journey to finding your true identity and honest self.

We first meet the main character of the story, Tayo, when he is struggling between who he is as a half white and half Native American youth. He is abandoned by his promiscuous mother and left to his Native American family who appears to have little desire for his presence. His struggle stems from his internal conflict of who he is supposed to be and what he feels he is. His own conflict is further perpetuated by the identity he assumes by the family and friends in his life.

Over the course of the story we learn of Tayo’s loyalty to his cousin Rocky, a family favored full Native American that seemingly rejects his own culture. Tayo follows Rocky into the war and is devastated by his death. When they leave for the war he tells his Aunt, “‘I’ll bring him back safe. . . You don’t have to worry.’ She looked up from her Bible and he could see that she was waiting for something to happen; but he knew that she always hoped, that she always expected it to happen to him, not to Rocky.”(p73) This interaction illustrates Tayo’s perception of what role he plays in the family. He feels expendable and inferior to his cousin.

Taking responsibility for failing to protect Rocky from being killed in the war becomes consuming and his reaction results in an endless battle both physically and emotionally. When Tayo returns to the U.S. from the war, he spends a period of time in the veteran’s hospital where he is overcome with physical illness and remorse. In fact, his own vision is distorted to a blurred white fog. When he finally returns to his Aunt and Uncle’s home, he continues to be bedridden and suffers countless nightmares. It isn’t until he is visited by Ko’oosh, a medicine man, that we learn Tayo’s real struggle. “He cried trying to release the great pressure that was swelling inside his chest, but he got no relief from crying any more. The pain was solid and constant as the beating of his own heart. The old man made him certain of something he had feared all along, something in the old stories. It took only one person to tear away the delicate strands of the web, spilling the rays of sun into the sand, and the fragile world would be injured.”(p38) It is here that we learn of Tayo’s connection to the land and the conflict he feels by his “half-breed” identity and the bond between his soul and the earth. He truly felt that if he made a mistake or caused an unnecessary death, he would rock everything off its course. But he couldn’t really reconcile why he felt this way. It isn’t until the medicine man provides his with an old remedy that he begins to heal.

As the story continues we experience the unique relationship that Tayo has with his friends, Harley, Leroy, Emo and Pinkie. They had all experienced the trial of war and returned home to struggle with what they experienced. Each man used alcohol and violence as a way to escape what they felt. Tayo is torn by this behavior. It is easy for him to fall into what they are doing by drinking, and on several occasions joins them. But, he is never able to allow the alcohol to provide him with the getaway that he is looking for. And he can not relate to their destructive behavior. I believe his inability to be like his friends only proves to him further that he is different, maybe even crazy.

At the conclusion, Tayo develops an understanding of his purpose and begins to see his place in the world as his own journey. He overcomes the loss of Josiah’s cattle by pursuing their recovery on his own and accomplishing it. He finds love in a being that symbolizes the root ties of his heritage and the connection to nature. It isn’t until he finds this peace that he is able to pass the final test in the desert when Harley is brutally tortured and murdered and he withholds the urge to intervene with the screwdriver.

This story provides a complex and compelling story of the journey we all face as humans trying to find our place in the world. We all face conflicts between who we are in our culture, family and who we are to ourselves. It is difficult to shed the preconceived assumptions of who you should be to become who you inevitably are. This is a journey that begins from the day we are born and doesn’t end until our last breath. Old Grandma said it best, “It seems like I already heard these stories before. . . only thing is, the names sound different.”